can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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