Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
