i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize