The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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