That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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