Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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