we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
