He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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