I wish my penis had an off switch
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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