I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Randomize
