I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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