some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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