we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
