it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
