I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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