I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
