so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
