If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
