sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
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