I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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