Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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