If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
