good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
