i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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