my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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