can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
