You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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