My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He did a backflip because drugs
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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