Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I smell like Dick and happiness
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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