super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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