If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
