In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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