I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
