Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
