i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
