I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
