if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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