That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
