"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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