Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
