so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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