i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
