I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
