mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
