I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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