im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
