And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
