Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
