Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
