I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
