i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
