remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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