I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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