so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize