I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
