Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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