You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
