Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I didn't notice because vodka
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
