and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
