I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
