Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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