someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
