and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
