You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
