So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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