She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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