That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
