I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
