white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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