Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
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