he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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