I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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