We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
