I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
