Where are you?
In a non slutty way
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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