im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize