Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
