I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize