i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
