so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
