I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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