Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
wrigley field is MILF paradise
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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