so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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