no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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