Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
