so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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