you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
