Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
