My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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