DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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