i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Come on in and take your pants off
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