Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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