I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize