he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
is it fun? or sober?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
