my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
