Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
This is my gift to your gina
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize