how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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