Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
