she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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