Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
