I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
