I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
