the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize