Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
