This girl is more easily done than said...
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
