he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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