We're facebook friends in real life
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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