There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
