I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
