turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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