I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
