I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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