bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
