Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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