Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
