Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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