Someone shit on the floor
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
