after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
