you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
