Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
